Friday, May 31, 2013

Mistakes

I mess up, make mistakes. I biff it, hell I fuck up.  And I hate it when I do; especially when it counts to my Sir. I want to be the best slave and woman I can be. What Submissive doesn’t? But I have issues… What woman doesn’t? I think if I were just to write them down I could get over it, around it even. First is so simple, it really honestly makes me cry sometimes. I can’t listen to orders. Well okay not quite that more like I really fight back. I push and push until I’m made to give in. Now this isn’t to every order…only the ones I don’t agree with. It’s stupid and pitiful. This is something I need to just plain get over! Another is that I seem to think I know what’s best for me. I should accept Sir’s word as law when it comes to my wellbeing. I’ve been getting better at that though. Hmm I have a hard time listening to the rules sometimes in general, mostly the no talking back rule… I’m a feisty girl. I want my way more times than not, even –going back to my last point- if it’s not good for my wellbeing.  Whatever the excuse for me acting out like this whether it’s just me being a bitchy little girl, or some real emotional issue, I need to figure it out if I ever want a training collar. I think I’m going to start leaving notes for myself. I already have one or two on my mirror. Maybe if I can just remind myself…  If I don’t shape up soon I don’t think sitting will be an option much longer. And as much as I like being spanked I’d rather it be because I want it. Not because I made Sir unhappy.